There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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