PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
