omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
