they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
