I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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