he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
