And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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