Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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