Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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