wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
