he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
