I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
