he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
