remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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