i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
