i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
