I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
