just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My penis needs a shock collar
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
