why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
