I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
