your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Actions speak louder than pants.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
