grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I will pee on everything he values.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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