I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Randomize
