I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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