I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
