Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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