i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm at about main and main street
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
