you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
