I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
