I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
