They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There's always time for handjobs
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
