Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
