hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
