Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
so much tequila, so little girl.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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