He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
