We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
