he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
from now on my penis is your penis
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
