It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
