nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
