I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
