So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
