Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
