idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Your cock deserves a montage
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
