I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
