maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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