Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
