Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
