I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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