so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
