im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Pooping to opera.
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