Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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