Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
